Elle, I’ve thought extensively about the best way to open this correspondence with you; but ultimately, I don’t think there’s a way around the inherent awkwardness of this address. The simple fact of the matter is—you have no idea who I am. On the other hand, your career is one that I’ve been paying attention to for quite some time now.
I have been working in relative obscurity in the legal brothels of Nevada since the Summer of 2022. Prior to entering the sex industry—when I was still a teacher—I spent quite a bit of time researching different avenues of sex work, including perusing the agency websites. You caught my eye in particular when your profile first went up on the Motley Models website, and I have been following your career ever since. I was struck by a deep sense of potential when I first saw your pictures—a sense that only became stronger as your hardcore pornography gradually became available for public consumption. To be frank, there’s still a deep part of me that likes to believe that, in an alternative timeline, we might’ve had a close association.
That being said, the reason why I decided to reach out to you has to do with a video that you released on March 9th of 2025, entitled My Career Destroyed My Personal Life, where you were struggling to make sense of your past, your current circumstances, and how to proceed given those circumstances. Watching you struggle through the content that is the substance of your life, it is evident to me that you have trapped yourself in a cage of chaotic uncertainty and confusion—a cage I am no stranger to.
As the days went on, I found myself extremely bothered by your soliloquy, and I had to ask myself why. I know that, given my own experience both in sex work and in contending with that cage, I might be able to help you—but I do not know you.
So, what would be the point in trying to communicate with you? The likelihood of my message reaching you would be slim, and anyone familiar with me and my work knows that my own life is in no short supply of pain and suffering, and if my efforts to provide alternatives are simply doomed to be consumed by the Void—never to been seen, let alone used—then that would not exactly bode well for my own condition.
Then, I started to realize that my message to you might be of use to others. I have witnessed with my own eyes that there are legions of women who find themselves in similar situations to your own, who are haphazardly attempting to navigate the high-stakes world of sex work. These other women might be willing to listen and benefit from my message to you, and, in that respect, Elle, you are an avatar, an embodied representation of the struggles that afflict every woman in sex work.
Elle, right now you are in a state of limbo. You are being torn in different directions when it comes to making normative assessments about your past choices, which is preventing your ability to determine where you are in your life right now, which is also hindering your ability to determine how to plan for the future.
You started to go in the direction of saying that you regretted your decision to go into the adult entertainment industry, but you immediately backpedaled by bringing up the fact that doing so significantly helped yourself and your family. Why is it that you started to try and say that you regretted this decision? Something is pulling you in the direction to say that you regret going into porn, but whatever is pulling you is not strong enough.
While in your state of limbo, you are trying to test different potential narrative structures to help make sense of your past, which then helps you understand your current circumstances in order to guide your planning for the future. It is an extremely painful and terrifying position to be in to not know where you are—to be lost. We all need a basic framework in order to understand where we are, and you currently do not have one. I have found myself in that position many times in my life, and I recognize it very clearly.
In your video, you were looking for a narrative structure that I refer to as the “redemption narrative.” It says, “I am a porn star who regrets going into porn and I am turning to religion to seek redemption and live a new life as a changed woman,” which is a fairly popular—though pathological—narrative to choose. I can see why choosing such a narrative structure would initially be tempting, because you at least would have an already established map to follow.
However, you were not able to go very far in that direction without betraying the fabric of reality. You backpedaled, because to say that you regret going into porn is also to say that you regret all of the consequences of doing so, and one of the substantially good consequences that resulted from your choice was the ability to help yourself and your family to get out of a dire economical situation. You almost had a solution for yourself, trying to fit yourself into an already established narrative, but if fell apart in front of you due to your own logic and intuition, but that left you in a frightening place—the dark.
You are still lost, Elle—you still do not know where you are. You find yourself feeling torn because you know something is off—you are still in a lot of pain. You made a huge sacrifice by going into sex work and the results of the sacrifice have honorable and worthwhile consequences for yourself and your family, but why are you still in so much pain?
That also begs the question, what should you do about the pain?
This is where my message to you, and to any other sex worker in your position begins.
The First Pillar
There are two great, significant pillars that you must stand upon in order to stabilize yourself and reduce your pain significantly.
The first pillar you must stand upon is the understanding of the fundamental purpose of sex work, and the second pillar emerges from that which makes life for people like us worth living—meaningful work in the field of study that will always be interesting to you.
The first pillar is best understood through examining the work of the prostitute.
As a prostitute myself, when I meet a client, there lifts a veil that exposes me to what I am supposed to be directly interfacing with, which is the pain and suffering of men. I must command an extremely clear understanding of what interacting with that suffering entails in order to ensure I adequately fulfill the requirements of the role.
The men who come to me are widowers who are grieving the loss of the only source of intimacy they’ve known for years, virgins who have never experienced a woman’s most intimate embrace, divorcees who were unceremoniously discarded by their former wives, and working men who are so consumed by requirements to economically succeed that they have zero realistic opportunities to find true sexual reprieve. Any woman who desires to truly understand the deepest levels of sex work must be able to center the sexual plight of men, which is a word that I use both very purposefully and very seriously.
It seems to be the case that women have a blind spot when it comes to understanding the importance of men’s sexual health. Speaking for myself, even though I have always found sexual reprieve to be essential in my own life—having always possessed a very high sex drive—I failed to see how badly a man needs sex in order to combat his suffering, and there are many understandable reasons that can contribute to a man’s inability or unwillingness to access sex outside of a brothel.
Women are largely clueless to the fact that the Western World has become sexually antagonistic towards men, because—if I may be so bold as to state this publicly—it is largely women themselves who are preemptively conducting this antagonism. Case in point, just look at how riddled the #MeToo movement became with false accusations that ruined the lives of innocent men. “Always believe the woman,” we were told. But even at less extreme levels, people consider it to be completely normal that women actively weaponize sex against men, ranging anywhere from trapping men in relationships to leading them on while still playing the proverbial field. For the past decade, we here in the West have heard non-stop pontificating about the need for equity and empathy, and yet nowhere can we find a single shred of concern in public discourse for these lives completely smothered by silent sexual desperation.
You see, prostitution is the original, and most fundamental form of sex work, and all other forms of sex work (such as stripping or pornography) are branches formed from the core, central role that is the role of the prostitute. In other words, speaking as a whore to a porn star, what you do is a derivative byproduct of what I do.
Because porn stars are not the ones who are in the front lines, face-to-face with these men, it’s possible for you as a porn star to go through your entire career without ever needing to squarely confront the reality that the fundamental role of the sex worker is to alleviate the suffering of men.
To be able to stand upon this pillar of stability, you must understand this fundamental role. You must understand that your role, as a sex worker, is to alleviate the suffering of men.
If we can grant that great intellectual leaders like Dr. Jordan Peterson are correct to say that the highest moral ethic is to reduce as much unnecessary suffering in the world as possible, and that one’s sex work accomplishes this objective, then the logical conclusion is undeniable that sex work under these conditions is inherently moral.
The point I’m trying to emphasize to you is this—selling your body to men is not supposed to be tantamount to selling your soul to the Devil.
I can say with epistemic certainty, from my own experience, that when done well, sex work can be honorable work. Even by your own admission, you yourself were able to use sex work to greatly ease the suffering of both yourself and of those around you.
To any sex worker who sufficiently understands this, any public vitriol trying to condemn her of moral degeneracy cannot possibly hold any weight. This level of grounding in these meta structures that ought to uphold all manifestations of sex work is simply unassailable. If you stand on the pillar that says, “the role of the sex worker is to alleviate the suffering of men, which is an honorable role,” the stability of such a conviction can bring you a level of psychological repose that is absolutely imperative for the well-being of any woman in this business.
If you try to cast off this pillar in favor of the claim that sex work is inherently bad—you are going to be seriously destabilizing yourself and committing to a position that you yourself admittedly do not believe in.
Yes, you sacrificed the ability to ever have a normal life, and yes, that is a door that will never reopen for you again. But Elle, you traded that in for the opportunity to have an adventurous life that is both extraordinarily prosperous and meaningful, which brings me to the second pillar.
The Second Pillar
Though the economical benefit you received was indeed substantial for yourself and your family, that benefit alone is not sufficient to counteract the pain and suffering from the sacrifices you have made. This benefit seems to be substantial enough to keep you from completely going off the deep end, but this is only temporary, and when left idle, this pain will only grow with time.
If money is the only benefit you receive for your sacrifices, if money is all you get, then you either made a bad trade, an unfair trade, or very possibly both—which is evident given the amount of visible pain and discomfort you were in when you made that video. This begs the question—what does a good and fair trade look like?
A fair trade, by definition, is one in which both parties are better off for having engaged in the exchange. I engage in trade constantly in my profession, where I negotiate selling my body (as well as the amelioration of pain) for a large sum of money. Advertising my face and my body online means that I have traded what I internally refer to as my “civilian card” to gain the ability to ethically make a large amount of money in a small amount of time.
Case in point, you mention in your video that you are experiencing difficulties dating and maintaining a social life. You talk about going out in public and getting recognized for your pornography, which functionally amounts to circumstances compelling you to combine your personal identity of “Tiffany” with your stage identity. But Elle, at the risk of stating the obvious, these are options that are afforded to women who retain their “civilian cards.” These are all examples of things that whores must sacrifice in order to access the enormous benefits that come with the role.
To speak more specifically, you are encountering an amalgam of different problems, none of which should have caught you by surprise, which means that you should have already established procedure to counteract all these consequences before you even went into porn. The first is simply notoriety, which is an unavoidable byproduct of one’s work gaining traction, and that is by no means unique to the sex industry. However, that’s also colliding with the inherent taboo of publicly advertising the fact that your sexual scruples are extremely loose. This latter point is a subject that could fill an entire seminar by itself, but I mention it briefly here because you specifically mentioned loneliness as a direct consequence of getting frozen out of the dating market, and frankly, it’s not entirely clear to me that you fully understand why that’s happening.
Yes, influencers of all kinds have, at this point, been talking about female body count for years, but I have yet to see anyone explain why men care about female body count being “high.” What you need to understand is this—a man’s body count is the standard that measures a woman’s body count. It is highly unlikely that a man with a body count of 100 would have a problem with dating a woman with a body count of 10, but it is highly probable that a man with a body count of 1 would. Add to this the double-layered consideration that A) it is extremely difficult for most men to rack up a body count that’s comparable to a mediocre slut, and B) you, Elle, are in a profession that will give you a body count that will far exceed even the most zealous of harlots, and your difficulties in finding dating success should start to become more understandable.
As you have already discovered, trading in your “civilian card” is indeed a serious trade, and must be counteracted with something incredibly worthwhile in order for this to be a good trade.
And what might that be? The ability to freely pursue work that is deeply meaningful to you—work that you will always be interested in—being able to put work into the world that justifies your existence.
That is the second pillar. That, Elle, is your shot at making the suffering in your life worth bearing.
Citing myself as an example—I am able to invest my surplus time into the projects that are important to me, thereby bringing me closer to a world in which my own meaningful work is sufficiently profitable to support my life. This, fundamentally speaking, is precisely what keeps me internally stable and preserves my ability to do my physically and psychologically demanding prostitution job.
These two pillars are what you can stand upon in the face of uncertainty, criticism, and suffering.
The status quo in terms of your own present state indicates that the trade you have made is not currently worth it. However, you can use these pillars as your foundation of stability, and if you understand how to maintain and then build up that foundation, you can work to potentially turn the trade you have made into one that is undeniably worthwhile—where you can firmly stand upon your choices with unwavering assuredness and well-earned pride.
Using These Pillars
These two pillars can be incredibly useful when combating the suffering that comes with the sacrifices made when going into sex work, but in order to use them in a viable manner, one must be able to sustain one’s sex work business, maintain one’s ability to pursue one’s perpetual interest, and have a solid exit strategy.
As you know, simply electing to go into the field of sex work does not mean automatic continued financial success. One must build the infrastructure necessary to bring stability and sustainability to one’s business. You mentioned how you decided to completely take responsibility for your entire brand, which understandably became too much for you, particularly after branching off from agencies and mainstream porn production studios and spending your time building your OnlyFans account. I understand that you wanted to ensure that your brand was protected—it is your likeness that you are selling, after all.
As we all know, there are way too many cases of OnlyFans models who designate all of the work to managers, assistants, or a team. In doing so, a brand suffers, because there is the insistence on creating a large amount of content in a short amount of time and maintaining one-on-one conversations with a large number of customers, which is a business model that—at this point—has completely saturated the market with content and interactions that are less than satisfactory to the consumer.
It is totally understandable to think that the alternative to such a business model is to simply run it all by yourself, as that is one way to ensure the ethical nature of the business, because your customers are certainly getting a genuine interaction with you, and you have complete control over the content that is published. There also exists a peculiar and sinister impetus from society that specifically encourages women to run businesses fully independently.
This postmodern feminist rhetoric that has inundated every Millennial and Gen-Z woman since birth does a grave disservice to sex workers. To wit, the idea of a so-called “independent girlboss” is completely absurd on its face.
Men never talk like this—you never hear any men referring to being an “independent boss” because in order to be a “boss” of something, one by definition cannot be fully independent. If you are independent, who are you a boss of, exactly—yourself?
Anyone who aspires to run a business must first understand the importance of role delegation. Sex work is no different. The number of roles that a sex worker takes on—whether in person or online—is far more than a single person can sustainably undertake. Ideally, a business will grow quickly, but that also means that the workload will increase as well. This perfectly explains your testimony about how your work life completely consumed all aspects of your personal life and seeped into your ability to take care of basic needs like social interactions and sleeping. And is it any wonder? You crossed over from complete obscurity into pornography stardom within a matter of months. Your business reach exploded, and the requisite workload naturally and necessarily followed suit.
It is certainly possible that role delegation can be ethical and done without sacrificing the quality of your content or the authenticity of your customer interactions. For example, it is possible to delegate content production ideas as well as video editing to competent individuals, saving yourself time and effort so that you can focus on your overall health, building the infrastructure of your meaningful work, and maximizing genuine interactions with your customers. You still can be heavily involved in the production process and have the final say as to what is published by your brand, but you do not have to spend hours editing content or planning what content to film next.
Once you are able to balance your sex work business by maximizing your time-to-money ratio and delegating roles, and stabilize yourself psychologically by being able to map out your past and understand your current circumstances, there is one more task that is by far the most important thing for a sex worker to do.
You must construct a viable exit strategy. This truth is so basic that it’s almost absurd to say it out loud, but no sex worker wants to be in a situation in which her finances compel her to continue trying to sell her sex appeal as her sexual market value is set to decrease with time. Not only does it become more difficult to make money due to the harsh reality of the sexual marketplace’s favor toward younger women, but the longer a female is in the sex industry, the more of a toll it can take on her well-being. This is also true in other industries, particularly for athletes, for example.
A well-executed career in the sex industry is supposed to be enormously lucrative, but it is, nevertheless, transitory—which is also the case for professional athletes—which naturally begs the question—transitory to what, exactly? Of course, we can say generically that a sex worker needs to invest her resources into an enterprise that will continue to economically provide for her needs without relying upon her actively continuing to sell sex in whatever form or format, but this is not specific enough.
Armed with the level of resources that ought to be gained from sex work, a woman can continue to generate substantial income in a multitude of different ways after retiring from the sex industry—there’s no doubt about that—but this is not a return to civilian life. There’s no way it could ever be, and any attempt to the contrary would be delusional on its face.
Examples like Lana Rhoades clearly demonstrate that stable and reliable income alone will never be able to justify the sacrifice of your civilian card. After some time, the silence will set in, and you will only be left with the legacy of your harlotry. When that day comes, you must have something active and dynamic in your life sufficiently robust to push back against that weight, otherwise it will crush you, Elle, and there is only one thing left that it can be.
You must have a Perpetual Interest to base your life upon, which is a field of study about which you always want to know more of and which you will never get bored. This here is the wellspring of meaningful work—work that is inherently important to you. This is where you have an opportunity to make your largest contribution to the world. It will be your dedication to this work that will ultimately combat your suffering, and anchor you to a level of depth and meaning that most civilians in their lives of quiet desperation never get to experience. Do all these things, and the trading in of your civilian card can definitely be worth it.
In closing, I want to share with you a Chinese chéng·yǔ (成语) that goes xīng·xīng·xiāng·xī (惺惺相惜), which refers to the affinity that people operating in similar spheres can feel for one another, and is an appropriate rendering of my sentiments here, for these are all things that I wish I could’ve shared with you in the context of a much closer association. Maybe one day, if providence wills it, we can have the opportunity to work with each other—maybe even on-screen.
Otherwise, I hope that at the very least you will be able to derive enduring benefit from the content of this missive.
Take care of yourself, Elle—and never forget to keep aiming up...
